This is Great!

John Baer What the guv could sayAND THIS SPEECH WOULD BE...MEMORABLE

AND NOW excerpts from Gov. Ed's annual budget address to the Legislature (actually, this is not what he'll say tomorrow, it's what I wish he'd say, OK?)
"Today I forego the usual litany of self-aggrandizement about good things happening in Pennsylvania due to my efforts and about how we're only beginning to tap into our boundless potential.
"I'm also omitting standard suck-ups about how gains in early education and steps toward property tax cuts would not be possible without the help of the General Assembly.
"In other words, I 'm cutting way back on the bulls---.
"See, I think the people who pay us to lead, who pay for all this [gesture broadly to obscenely luxurious House chamber where members sit with individual laptops in front of them], who pay for our staffs and offices, our meals, our cars and insurance, health benefits and pensions, and in return get a steady diet of us doing little but calling each other names, deserve more than cliché-ridden back-patting.
"Especially since we all just got raises. You're among the best paid legislators in the nation and I'm not exactly eating mac and cheese [drifts off a bit] not that there's anything wrong with mac and cheese... with extra cheese.
"Anyway, I won't spend a third of this speech in self-serving platitudes about progress. That's sorta like firefighters en route to a blaze stopping to say how hard they work.
"Instead, I'm going to tell you the truth.
"It's bleak. Old state, old problems: mass transit, roads, bridges, environment, poor people, all need help. And the worst off among us might need to suffer more than they already do.
"The official line is the feds, while spending $100 billion in Iraq, aren't helping states, especially with welfare and health care. Our fast-growing older population and above-average growth in medical assistance recipients means our hurt could be large.
"That's the official line. The truth is none of this is a surprise, it's just government's big, fat, stupid and lazy and won't act until trouble's at the door because we're all too busy guarding political/governmental turf that we create to show how important we are.
"Well now that football season's over and I'm actually paying attention, I'm calling for change.
"Think of the efficiencies and cost savings if we streamline ourselves. Consolidate municipalities and school districts. We have way too much government - 3,152 units - wasting resources and duplicating services.
"And take the Legislature... please... ba-dum-bum... little gubernatorial humor there. But, seriously, you're the biggest among big states, 253 members, thousands of staffers, and for what? Can you honestly say your size makes you a better deliberative body? I know my size doesn't make me a better governor.
"So I propose phasing out at least a third of your membership to save at least $85 million a year.
"Speaking of savings, if we cut any services to the poor, I'm not taking my 8 percent pay raise. I think I can get by on 144 large, given the fact I also get a house, cars, drivers and food in a state where per capita income is, like, $29,500.
"You should give up your raises, too. How can we take away from the needy while continuing to stuff the greedy?
"And I'll make you a deal. You pass a lobbyist disclosure act and I'll stop working for Penn and Comcast, both of which get state money.
"Who knows? Maybe adopting my 'Growing Leaner, Working Cleaner' proposal convinces citizens that we're as interested in saving their money as we are in collecting it, as capable of serving democracy as soiling it.
"At any rate, it's better than going on the way we are. Thank you."