Electon 2012 - John Edwards Leads!

Stick a Fork in John Edwards . . . He's Done.

Presidential-(used-to-be)-hopeful John Edwards, together with his strategists, decided that if they're going to be "in it to win it" then they must employ the blogging help of a couple of anti-Christ, F-bomb droppin' girls to convince America that he's mainstream and thus, our man. What in the world were they thinking?

The bloggers Johnny hired to sway us common cattle into his fray can't be more psychotically Left than these dual dames of derision. Don't believe me? Then do this: stop what you're doing and look all the way over to the left. I'm talkin' way, way over yonder, and you'll see Amanda Whoever and Melissa McSomebody typing their butts off as they blame Bush, Christianity and Capitalism for Lincoln's murder, JFK's assassination, the plight of the manatee, global warming and bad hair days.

In all fairness, the lady bloggers must have just assumed that bashing Christians was still in style. I guess they missed the announcement that we are not going to take it any more. With their blasphemous, too offensive to print invectives against Christianity, their conspiratorial mendacities that make a paranoid coke dealer seem well modulated and their constant "F you, you F-ing F-ers of F-land," these two cynical sisters do symbolize the mainstream if the brook we're talking about is the river Styx.

But here is my $64,000 question... Who told Edwards it was good idea to hire two profane dames to do his PR? You don't run a presidential campaign by yourself. Nobody thought to maybe wave a even a tiny red flag on this one? There's the bigger problem! I'd fire everyone on my staff. And then maybe hire those two goofs that caused a bomb scare with that bird-flipping cartoon light thingy. Ok, maybe not, but they could not do much worse.

At least we know who Edwards really is. Toss about that "faith" word all you want. I won't forget it was the Potsie Weber of the Presidential race who sought out blasphemous bloggers to make his backers bolt. There comes a point when you dig a hole so deep that it is shorter to just keep going instead of turning around. So I'm revising my free advice to John Edwards....

Don't cave in to the public pressure John, by distancing yourself from these foul mouth bloggers. Everyone bows to Christians since Bush won twice. Be different. I'm sure there a some heretics who would vote for you. You have two already! So embrace them. Don't be ashamed. Go nuts! It will certainly make things interesting and you will be the hero of the underworld.

Hey.....I have a blog John. You could hire me to run things. I work cheap and I'd get you attention. Here is what we do John....

First get a mean dog. Like an ill-tempered Doberman. Or a black Wolf with green eyes. Yeah, that's even better. Name him Lucifer, get the biggest spike collar your staff can find, take him everywhere you go. Then we will shave your head. That Ken Doll thing you've got going is so yesterday. I'd also shave your eyebrows off or . . . or shave them where they are angling down to make you look angry. People like angry, it makes you look powerful.

Next we need music. Have Marilyn Manson, Judas Priest and Boy George do all the music for your events. Put Robert Mapplethorpe photos all over the venues and throughout the cities where you campaign. That'll get the buzz going, eh?

Every campaign needs a logo. Yours will a symbol of a three horned goat and we will carve it into your forehead. The cameras will love it. For fund raising, I'd have Rosie O'Donnell tour with you. She is bound to get you some press.

Lastly, have Damien from the Omen work the children for their parents' votes. I can hear MTV calling now. He could put that evil eye on them . . . you know what I mean? Oh they would vote, you better believe they would vote.

John, let me help you, man. When you try to become President in 2012 (because that little move cost you 2008), you've got to be more discreet with your affiliation with the Netherworld if you want to rise to power. Look on the bright side, you've got five years to fool us, so get back on that horse.