Complaint Department

It feels good to complain every now and then. So here I go. Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason I don't talk to people. Because I don't particularly like them. If I did I would have stayed in touch. Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--asking me if I want fries with that.

Bottled water is the world's biggest scam. It costs more then gas but all we complain about is the gas. Water covers most of the earth. You don't have to drill for it. You don't need a pipeline though some terrorists backyard. Heck it falls from the sky! So why are they selling it to me for two bucks a bottle?

Speaking of overpriced water, Starbucks. If the person if front of you orders something like a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," you know you are in line with a complete jerk and so is the person behind you. It's hot flavored water. All I want is a medium coffee with some cream. No, I don't want to finance it either. See the bottled water section if you are confused.

I'm not a cashier! By the time slide my card, enter my PIN number, press "Enter," verify the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and press "Enter" again, my milk is spoiled, the bread is stale and the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

Is it too much to ask for something new? You go to the movies and you have a choice of Spiderman 3, Shreck 3 or Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Let's be honest and call it "Taking Your Money Again 3"

No more gift registries. It used to be just for weddings. I can accept that. But now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's creative looting.

For all you out there graduating, here is some free advice... If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then don't pierce or tattoo anything visible.