The date of September 11th and all the events that surrounded it refreshed memories that had faded into the shadows of my mind. I found myself sad and angry all over again. I fought back tears many times at the Pentagon and over the weekend. The passage of four years did not weaken the vivid recalls that came bursting back to mind.
The nation has used "never forget" as a battle cry. It looks great on a t-shirt or bumper sticker and sounds so noble to say it, but the truth is remembering hurts so much that sometimes I want to forget. That may not be the proper thing to say, but when something hurts it is a natural reflex to pull away. This is no different.
Then there is the issue (at least for Christians) of forgiveness. Scripture tells us we are to forgive. It is not conditional. Jesus himself forgave his killers and prayed for them. Even in the Lord's prayer we ask to "forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE those who trespass against us".
I'm going to be completely honest here... I have NOT forgiven these thugs. I can't. Not yet. I'm not even sure if I ever will. I know what I'm supposed to do, but that is different then what I can do. If I pretend otherwise, I would be lying. I still have an anger that wells up inside me when I think about the events of 9/11. I see someone on the street that reminds me of that day and I have to catch myself from reacting openly.
Don't tell me it's wrong. I know it is, but at this point I'm not strong enough to do otherwise. I wonder if there is any Christian in this country that has truly forgiven the people behind this madness. If you have, you are a better person then I am.
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